The real reason I left my nursing career

(The long, unfiltered version)

I remember what it first felt like….to find nursing…..my career….my life path…..my purpose.
They say nursing isn’t just a career but a vocation, and when I literally stumbled into this career, nothing ever felt more aligned.

From my student days, to the days when I could barely keep my head above water because of staffing constraints, I loved every single second. Despite the challenges we faced most days, I had this constant feeling of gratitude and honor to be in a position to care for people in their most vulnerable times.

The sense of fulfilment was like nothing I’d ever experienced…..the long chats with my patients, the incredible nurses and doctors I worked alongside that became friends for life, the massive reality check that used to hit me in the face if I felt like I was having a bad week. I was grateful for every single part of it.

I can safely say the gains from my nursing career have far outweighed the dark times, of which there have been a fair few. It’s safe to say that the last 18 years of my life have been a rollercoaster, but I wouldn’t change a single thing.

The reality of nursing

Nurses are strong arse people and unless you’ve been there, it’s incredibly difficult to convey what it’s actually like.

The physical endurance to power through when you feel like you’re running on empty.
The resilience to keep showing up for someone even though they might have tried to attack you twice in one day.
Compassion dragged from the depths of my soul when faced with nursing a murderer.
Strength to not break down and cry when the death toll reached six on one shift.
Elation because my patient survived against all odds.

Not to mention the comfort and gratitude for the colleagues that became family, and the one-of-a-kind sense of humour that powered us through every single day.

Reflecting back, all I feel is gratitude and pride.

So what was the turning point?

In 2016 I went to India for two months to train to be a yoga teacher. I had no intention of leaving nursing at this point. I had found yoga practice the year before and I was going to India to deepen my personal practice.

This trip was just before I made my big move to London and I was taking a little break beforehand.

Yoga brought me peace like I had never experienced before. It made me realise how noisy my mind was, and it informed me that the way I was living was a direct response to that noise.

To put it bluntly, outside of my nursing, I was living a hedonistic lifestyle fuelled by escapism. The years of trauma nursing had clearly taken their toll on my subconscious.

The training in India completely shifted everything for me.

Witnessing how other cultures live, and hearing their views on how they care for themselves and how they define health. So much of this was rooted in ancestral wisdom. There was trust and respect for the ancient practices that had been passed down through generations.

I had my eyes opened to ayurvedic medicine and practices, and I started to realise that the way we live in the west isn’t optimal for living a healthy and happy life.

Instead of caring for ourselves from the inside, through listening to the messages our body is giving us, in the west we numb away these ‘symptoms’ with pharmaceuticals or psychoactive substances. Instead of feeling our feelings and facing our problems, we escape from them by overeating, partying and smoking, to name a few.

During that trip something resonated with me on a deep level.
It planted a seed that would germinate over the next few years.

London, trauma, and burnout

I continued nursing in London on an intensive care unit, and then later on a major trauma unit.

I literally felt like I was selling my soul. The intensity was on a different level and I was struggling. I ended up having CBT because I was living in my head with endless possibilities of how my family could be harmed after what I was seeing day to day.

Fast forward a few more years and I experienced a relationship breakdown that left me lost, heartbroken and shattered.

I left London and decided that I needed a roadmap to leave nursing.

I spent three months travelling around India and Sri Lanka and enrolled on a further yoga training course to equip me with options for my future. I studied so much. I also spent a lot of time on my own in silence, rediscovering who I was and dreaming of who I was to become.

“India rescued my heart”

‘India rescued my heart’, as I announced on an insta post and I really did feel that truth.

I’m not able to put into words how much India speaks to my soul and informs me of my path. I received so much confirmation whilst I was there that everything that was happening to me was supposed to be happening.

I returned to the UK at Christmas time 2019 to spend Christmas with my family. My plan was to get some money behind me from nursing, move back to London and embark upon a career teaching yoga.

I had taught in the past on the side of my nursing job, but I wanted to make a big deal of it this time. I wanted to wake up in the morning and be commuting to yoga, not the hospital.

My soul was craving stillness and silence.

Covid and clarity

I worked for two months for a nursing agency and then Covid hit in March 2020.

I was nursing on a Covid ward and I threw myself into it because I wanted to help. I was a healthy young woman and I had a lot to give. I also knew that I could save money living at my parents’ with not being able to go out anywhere or travel.

So that’s what I did.

Covid days on the wards were bleak, but I also felt more alive than I ever had in my entire life.

I was still navigating heartbreak and processing what was happening in the world, but what I was experiencing was… living every single moment in the present.

When I was at work, I had no choice but to be present. Patients were literally dropping like flies so I had to be on the ball. There was no time to be in my head.

And then when I arrived home from my shift, I couldn’t escape from my day with partying or being with friends drinking wine. I was forced to feel… every… single… thing.

It forced me to delve deep inside.

I spent so much of that time in self enquiry, introspection and deep meditations. I questioned everything - from my relationships, to my work, to my self-worth and self-belief. I unpicked and unravelled everything on a deep level.

I received so many answers and confirmations.

I never felt more at peace.
I never felt more self-love.
I never felt more alive.

The moment everything changed

After almost a year working with Covid patients and witnessing the virus dissolve over time, so to speak, I had this very clear, visceral experience where everything inside me just said NO.

No to just throwing pills at people willy nilly because we don’t have any other answers.
No to covering up the mental wound with pharmaceutical bandages to keep the symptoms at bay.

I witnessed the repercussions of the isolation that people were experiencing as a result of staying at home, and all of a sudden it didn’t feel true to tell everyone not to see each other, to not shake hands and to stay at home.

I saw that maybe the bigger pandemic at this time was loneliness, not Covid-19.

I needed out.

I didn’t want to advocate anymore for a healthcare system that was failing people. I didn’t want to contribute to a system that doesn’t treat people as the unique individuals they are.

A temporary compromise

With this realisation, I knew I needed to leave the hospitals. But nursing was all I had ever known, so I planned to find a sector of nursing that felt more aligned….. for now, while I planned my escape route.

I quickly landed a job with the blood service.

Although this was still a massive healthcare organisation, it aligned with my values as it wasn’t based on throwing pharmaceuticals at people to treat problems. The blood service provides life-saving products and relies on the altruistic nature of humans in our society.

This job was a breath of fresh air.

I was still nursing, but it wasn’t leaving me depleted. I still felt like I was making a difference without selling my soul to the devil in the process.

The people I worked alongside were incredible. We became like family so quickly and I was waking up excited to go to work every day.

Within a year I landed a position as a Donor Centre Manager and loved the new challenge, although I missed the face-to-face aspect of nursing the public.

Birth, matrescence, and misalignment

I fell pregnant in 2022 and left work for maternity leave in January 2023.

And then I gave birth.
And everything changed.

Being on the other side as a patient, after requiring an unexpected emergency c-section, left a scar on my soul much bigger than the one on my stomach, that I would spend the first few years trying to heal.

After being so insistent on a natural birth, having an emergency c-section left me disempowered, disconnected and disassociated. It was not the way I wanted to begin my life as a mother.

After emerging from the postpartum haze (which in all honesty took around 14 months), I attempted to return to work as a nurse at the donor centre.

I felt so misaligned.

The bounce-back, boss-woman culture that is so ingrained in the west disgusts me. People’s views on traumatic birth blew my mind.

People would say things like “oh all births are like that” or “at least she’s safe.”

Yeah, at least she’s safe, but she has a shell of a mother.
And no, not all births have to be that way.

The body keeps the score

The more time I spent at work, the further away from my truth I felt.

My nervous system still hadn’t processed what happened during the birth and my brain felt fried. I struggled to remember what to do, I couldn’t take on new information, and I felt like a failure.

I didn’t realise at the time that until I processed the birth and regulated my nervous system, there was literally no capacity for this information.

Being in the job felt icky. I kept feeling like I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose.

After what I experienced during birth and postpartum, I knew I needed to contribute to change.

Remembering who I am

I started working with a coach to figure out what my future of work would look like.

I was guided through a tantric healing practice for PTSD and I think that was the official beginning of the rest of my life.

All of a sudden, I met myself - as the mother I always knew I wanted to be.

I lost my Nan in February 2025 and then took a trip to Glastonbury shortly after. This trip changed my life.

It gave me clarity, confidence, and deep introspection. Glastonbury holds immense ancestral resonance, but it also served as a gateway - a gateway back to myself.

My life hasn’t been the same since… in the best way possible.

From breakdown to birth of purpose

In the months that followed, everything flowed.

I reread journals from postpartum. I met myself from the other side. I shifted stagnant energy through somatic practice, ecstatic dance and breathwork.

I worked with my body to move through what I had intellectualised in my head.

Somatic practice became a daily ritual. Just ten minutes each morning allowed me to meet the world grounded and empowered, rather than overwhelmed and disassociated.

I had enrolled on a Yin yoga course in 2023 that delved deeply into fascia, neuroplasticity and Chinese medicine. Slowly, I began weaving together science and spirituality.

I started holding ceremonies for women - spaces of support that our society once relied upon.

This work illuminated my heart.
It felt deeply healing.

Village Mama

And so… from the ashes of my shattered self, Village Mama emerged.

I was finally equipped with the foundations and tools to bring my vision to life.

I knew it was time to say goodbye to my nursing career and to the working life I had always known.

It was time to step into the unknown.

And nothing has ever felt more right.