Matrescence: The becoming of a mother.

I only discovered the word Matresence a few years ago, ironically I was in the post partum trenches and it was the sigh of relief that I had been craving. That word landed in my bones. It was recognition. It was permission. I wasn’t crazy - the disorientation, the overwhelm, the numbness I was feeling was not failure. It was my initiation into motherhood.

✨ When the world forgets the mother

But why does no one talk about this time? The fourth trimester/post partum/ that liminal space we reside in when our babies arrive earth side.

We are surrounded by advice about feeding, sleeping, soothing. No one acknowledges the birth of the mother that occurs simultaneously and how to care for her. No one advises you how to navigate back home to yourself.

On re reading my journals from the post part partum haze, I was describing Matrescence without realising I was deep in it. I just wanted to document how I was feeling at the time because I felt crazy.

I felt like the old me had been pulled from under me and the new me wasn’t yet ready to emerge.

I had not yet navigated how to be a mother so I was in the liminal space where I wasn’t the maiden me anymore but I wasn’t yet the mother either.

🌿 The liminal space between who we are and who we’re becoming.

The liminal space is described as the period in which the caterpillar is in the cocoon but has not yet metamorphosed into a butterfly. It’s the in-between stage. The limbo land. An intersection where you’re straddling the border of the old self and the becoming.

I didn’t know who I was and I had no clue how to navigate who I was becoming. I lacked community and the wisdom of the wise women in society to guide me. I lacked support and care. I didn’t have the capacity to look after my daughter and myself and so my needs took a back seat. I felt like the light of joy and optimism and inspiration that had always shone inside me, had been temporarily shut out. And yet, I also held a deep knowing that I would find my way back to myself….with time….and belief….and faith.

🔥 The Rebirth

My sense of self had been ruptured and to repair it, required me to completely dissolve all of the previous versions I had been. Only then, could I experience a rebirth. Only then could the mother in me emerge.

Matrescence is not a moment - it’s a lifelong unfolding. It asks us to surrender, to soften, and to trust that in the shedding, something new is being born.

And perhaps, that’s what all mothers need to know - that the woman you were is not lost. She’s simply becoming.